As wedding budgets retract, and guest lists shrink, the backyard has become the wedding venue of choice for many savvy couples. But backyard weddings are not for everyone.

Are you a perfectionist? Do you make yourself and others around you crazy in an attempt to make everything ‘just so’? If your answer is yes, you might want to cross a backyard wedding off your list. Unless, of course, you want to drive yourself and your significant other looney – but in the end have the most wonderful wedding possible. Kinda like I did.

Perfectionists and at-home weddings can be a volatile combo. There are so many extra details involved with planning a backyard wedding at home that it can be overwhelming for anyone – but especially those who have a penchant for perfection.

Not only will you be trying to eliminate everything on your wedding day to-do list, you’ll also want to make your home extra special for your big day.

If you’re like me you’ll be re-decorating the interior, power washing the exterior and landscaping the heck out of your yard.

Of course, not all couples planning an at-home wedding spend months fixing up their place. Some people don’t lift a finger on home improvements. If that’s the case, planning can be a whole lot easier.

However, there are still things to keep in mind if you are planning a backyard wedding.

• It’s a smart idea to call your local town hall to find out if construction is planned for your area around the time of your wedding. The last thing you want is a muddy, noisy, messy road on the day of your wedding.
• A week before your wedding, it’s wise to let your neighbors know what you are planning, and warn them of potential noise, and traffic. Also, if you are having an outdoor ceremony, let your neighbors know what time it will take place, so they won’t be out with their leaf blowers and lawn mowers during your ‘I do’s.’ Once neighbors know of your plans, they might offer up parking space, or lend a hand.
• Unless you are have a teeny, tiny wedding, you’ll need to rent tables and chairs. You may also have to rent linens, glassware, and dinnerware.
• It’s probably the least romantic thing about your wedding, but it’s probably one of the most important: toilets. No matter where you decide to have your wedding, you’re going to need at least one. If you are having your wedding at home, you might decide that guests can use the washrooms in your home, but after giving it some serious thought, you might change your mind. Do you really want your guests traipsing in and out of your home? Can your plumbing system take the wear and tear? Is it possible that your septic system will be overstressed, causing a plumbing nightmare on the biggest day of your life? (Ever see Meet the Parents?)
• If you are having a backyard wedding, it makes sense to use protection against the elements. I’ve heard horror stories of daring couples whose decision to marry out in the open left them, and their guests, all wet. And rain is not your only concern. A hot sun blazing down on you and your guests will not only cause discomfort; it can cause sunburn and heatstroke. If you’re a risk-taker and don’t want to bother with a tent, make sure you have some sort of back-up plan in case the weather doesn’t co-operate.
• Another tip for an at-home wedding is to invite your caterer over before the big day so s/he can scope out your kitchen. S/he’ll need to know how much space there is to work in – as well as fridge and stove details.
• Although the words wedding and home can be a match made in heaven for many, they are not for everyone. Depending on how elaborate the wedding is, they can be more costly and stressful than a wedding elsewhere.

For us it was all worth it. Will it be worth it for you?

Photo: Hanna and Mathew’s real wedding photographed by Katelyn Demidow Photography

Kaitlin, 27 & Chris, 26

Demorest, GA

Wedding Date: April 24, 2010.

Number of Guests: 50

Wedding Ceremony Location: Our living room! It poured rain on and off all day, we had planned on having the ceremony in the front yard but changed it at the last minute to bring all of our friends and family into our little living room. It was the most amazing feeling having everyone in one room while we read our vows and the story of our heart.

Wedding Reception Location: The tent in our backyard

Why did you have an intimate wedding?

Our friends and family mean the world to us and we wanted to have a celebration that included everyone. We decided to have the ceremony at our home because we wanted to invite our friends and family into our daily life.

What are some the challenges that you faced planning an intimate wedding?

There actually weren’t too many. It went very smoothly because we knew early on that we were not interested in a traditional wedding and this allowed us to do whatever we wanted.

Was it difficult to pare down the guest list?

Nope. Everyone that was there was meant to be there.

Did you have any ‘issues’ with the small guest list from friends and family?

Nope.

What were the highlights of the ceremony?

The highlights of the ceremony definitely include our officiant telling the story of our life together. My husband and I have been together for fourteen years and it so beautiful and amazing to hear some tell that story. Our vows were also very powerful and moving.

What were the highlights of the reception?

The highlight of the reception include quite a few moments, including a wonderful dinner, being with our family and towards the end, my mom’s giant southern black hat being passed around to everyone while our photographer took photographs.

What was the best thing about having an intimate wedding?

The best thing about having an intimate wedding was just that feeling of being so close to everyone. The energy was amazing!

What advice do you have for couples who are considering an intimate wedding?

My advice would be to take the time to decide what is most important and be open to that changing during the process.

Vendors:

Photographer: Larissa Cleveland Photography

Dress:Wai Ching

Cake: E.B Cakes

Rings: Athena Jewelers

Catering: Hawk Wild BBQ

Floral: Michaleens

Invitations: Boxcar Press

Continued from Part 1 of The Ups and Downs of an At-Home Wedding.

There are things to keep in mind if you are planning an at-home wedding. Very important things.

1. Toilets. It’s probably the least romantic thing about your wedding, but it’s probably one of the most important. No matter where you decide to have your wedding, you’re going to need at least one. If you are having your wedding at home, you might decide that guests can use the washrooms in your home. But after giving it some serious thought, you might change your mind.  If you are having an outdoor wedding, do you really want your guests traipsing in and out of your home? Can your plumbing system take the wear and tear? Is it possible that your septic system will be overstressed, causing a plumbing nightmare on the biggest day of your life? (Ever see Meet the Parents?) After doing some research, we discovered that port-a-johns definitely aren’t what they used to be. There are new user-friendly models in a variety of colors. Not only are they more pleasing to the eye, they have sinks and flush toilets. Even though they are more expensive, they were definitely worth the splurge.
2. Neighbors. Warn them in advance and give them a heads up closer to the big day. They might even offer up their driveways for parking – or a portable stage! Be extra kind to them as you get close to your wedding day so that they will put up with potentially high noise levels from your happy wedding guests.
3. Invite your caterer over before the big day so s/he can scope out your kitchen. S/he’ll need to know how much space there is to work in – as well as fridge and stove details.
4. If you are doing the outdoor thing, it’s a good idea to rent a tent. That is, unless you have a huge tolerance for risk. (Which I do not.)
5. Hire a cleaning person to clean your home thoroughly prior to your wedding – not to mention after your big day. Unless of course you have a lovely friend or relative who has kindly offered to take on this task.
6. Have bug spray handy. Citronella candles might provide ambiance, but they are useless when it comes to fending off hungry ‘mossies’.
7. If your guests like to over-imbibe, be prepared: some might want to crash at your house. We had a pretty tame crowd at our wedding, but like any good party there’s a chance this will happen at your wedding. If you’re not equipped for sleepovers, be smart and call a cab.
8. Enjoy the journey. Easy for me to say -  I got married eight years ago. But, really, try not to sweat the small stuff like boatlifts.
9. Give yourself a pat on the back for pulling it off. Planning a wedding at home is no small feat, but it’s one of the most rewarding things you will accomplish.  Raise a glass to yourself – (and to your neighbor) for a job well done!

Photo: Susan Adler Photography; Bonnie and Kevin’s Delightful Garden Wedding

Michael, 30 & Emma, 28

Upper West Side, New York City

Wedding Date: September 25th, 2008

Number of Guests: 30

Wedding Ceremony Location:

Emma’s parents’ dining room, which has since been renamed “The Wedding Room” on the Upper West Side in Manhattan. 

Wedding Reception Location:

We decided to rent out our favorite restaurant, Mary’s Fish Camp, for the dinner after the wedding.  The space was so small that everyone was sitting down, so it wasn’t really a reception in the traditional sense.  It was more like a dinner with lots of mingling. 

Why did you have an intimate wedding?

We didn’t want the cookie-cutter wedding, and this seemed like the best way to do it. Only a few people, only our favorite place– boom, done. 

What are some the challenges that you faced planning an intimate wedding?

Everything was pretty easy. There were some harried moments (the flowers didn’t arrive until late, etc), but for the most part, I think we avoided really awful wedding challenges due to the size. 

Was it difficult to pare down the guest list?

It was. We decided to have a slightly larger party (75 people) the next night in order to solve that issue. In retrospect, we could have added about fifteen people to the wedding list and skipped the second party entirely. 

Did you have any ‘issues’ with the small guest list from friends and family? If so, how did you address them?

We did, and caved in almost every instance. My wife’s parents had some strong opinions, which seemed reasonable, as they were paying, and it was in their  house. 

What were the highlights of the ceremony?

Everything. We had three friends read– a Frank O’Hara poem, a David Sedaris piece, and the last paragraph of Jane Austen’s Emma. Another friend sang. We cried. It was the best day ever. Our rabbi laughed throughout. I would do it again every single day if I could. 

What were the highlights of the reception?

Lobster rolls. My father-in-law’s speech, which seemed to last about thirty minutes. 

What was the best thing about having an intimate wedding?

Being able to talk to every single person there, and have everyone know how much we loved them. 

What advice do you have for couples who are considering an intimate wedding?

Be tough. You can do it, no matter what anyone tells you. If not, elope. It’ll be just as wonderful. 

Vendors:

Florist: Spruce, in Chelsea.

Reception Venue: Mary’s Fish Camp, West Village

Officiant: Rabbi Burt Siegel

Photographer: Cappy Hotchkiss

Invitations: DIY invitations.

Dress: Emma wore her mother’s wedding dress. Her headband came from the ladies at Ban.do.

Photos: Cappy Hotchkiss

More and more couples are choosing to have a backyard wedding. Although outdoor weddings can be wonderful, they can also be disastrous affairs without the proper planning.

For most backyard weddings, tents are a must. No matter what The Weather Channel is saying a week before the wedding day, a tent, or some form of shelter, should be a top priority for couples. Some experts suggest renting an alternate venue, just in case.

One of the most obvious reasons for a tent is that it offers protection in case of rain. Although a tent will offer shelter from rain, wind is another story, says Cheryl Gilbert, who owns a tent rental company in Windsor, Ontario, Canada.

“The biggest problem with any backyard wedding is high winds,” she says. “It is only a tent, it isn’t a permanent structure… When you get 60 km an hour winds, the wind gets under that tent and it could lift it up.”

Because of the weather factor, planning for a backyard wedding can be stressful for some couples.

“Some people are all depressed if it rains. If you are going to be disappointed, plan it inside,” she says.

When it comes to renting reception tents, there are three basic tent styles to choose from: push-pole, frame tents and tension tents.

Push-pole tents, which are the most popular of the three, have ceilings that slope from a row of center poles, to a series of poles on the perimeter of the tent. They are anchored in the ground by staking, and generally need seven feet of clearance around the perimeter of the tent.

Because there are interior poles, there is less room inside the tent than the other styles. Most people decorate the poles of push-pole reception tents with drapery to make them more appealing to the eye. Like the other styles of tents, push-pole tents have removable sidewalls, which are either plain white, clear vinyl or cathedral-window style.
Frame tents are generally more expensive than push pole tents. They are ideal for tight spots because they don’t need clearance around the tent’s perimeter. They are also ideal for narrow spots.

Tension tents, which are the most stable and wind-resistant of the three styles, are the least common types of reception tents. The center poles in a tension tent are very high, making the tent have very steep slopes. Because they have fewer interior poles than push-pole tents, there is more room inside the tent.

No matter what style of tent a couple chooses, a tent should be big enough so that guests can move around without bumping into each other.

“I always suggest to my customers to go with a bigger tent. That way they can have more room to move around, and pathways between the tables,” says Gilbert.

She also says couples should make sure everyone will fit beneath the tent – including the entertainment and the caterer.

Most companies that rent reception tents will do an onsite survey of the area to help determine the style and size of the tent appropriate for the event. The survey will also determine the best location for the tent.

“Sometimes the most beautiful spot is not always the best spot. It might not be level, there might be a septic nearby, or overhead wires,” says Suzor.

If you are having a backyard wedding reception, make sure you consult with a company that rents reception tents early on in your planning in order to determine the best place for your event.

Photo: Anne Ruthmann Photography

I didn’t want an up-do for my wedding. I’ve never worn an up-do in my life. It didn’t suit me – but no bride wears her hair down on her wedding day – or so it seemed.

I flipped through luxurious bridal magazines thicker than telephone directories looking for pictures of brides with their hair free of bobby pins. I came up empty.

“You want your hair to look special on your wedding day, don’t you?” said the hairstylist during a trial-run appointment. I caved. “Sure. Give me an up-do.” An hour and a half later the woman staring back in the mirror was no longer me. She wasn’t the kind of girl who wore plaid flannel pajamas. She didn’t have hangnails or enjoy frothy Guinness and warm slabs of steak. That girl wore satin. She ordered salad for lunch. She chewed slowly. She got manicures.

I dismantled the up-do as soon as I got into my car. That evening was one of clarity: I was going to be myself no matter how much pressure I felt. Thankfully, that pressure didn’t come from family or friends. All along, they encouraged me to be true to myself. They knew that I was the type of gal that marched to her own beat. Why would I suddenly change all that on my wedding day?

I had been to enough weddings to know what I didn’t want at our wedding, which included: A)A mile-long receiving line B) Drunk people doing ‘The Macarena’ c) $400 cake smashed into my face D)People singing silly rhyming songs to get us to kiss.

I bought a book to help me plan our wedding, but the more I read, the more I realized just how much my version of the ideal wedding differed from the norm. I didn’t want five bridesmaids; one maid of honor suited me just fine. I didn’t want a garter toss. I didn’t want a DJ playing the Electric Slide. Sure, I wanted music, but my music would be live. And most of all, I didn’t want a big, fat guest list. I didn’t want to celebrate my wedding day with a group of strangers. Instead, I wanted everyone there to have touched our lives in a special way.

I shake my head when I think of all the things I fretted over while we were planning our wedding. Can we really have a wedding with no bridesmaids or groomsmen? Will people think it’s weird that we don’t have a receiving line? Will our guests still have fun if there is no dancing?

My worries were unfounded. Our little wedding turned out to be one of the best days of my life.

Several months after our wedding, I wrote Intimate Weddings: Planning a Small Wedding that Fits Your Budget and Style. Why? Aside from wanting to help brides with all the nitty gritty of planning a small wedding, I wanted other brides to feel confident in their decision to have an intimate wedding – even if their ideas bucked convention. I wanted couples to feel a sense of validation, and, of course, I wanted them to hear about all the wonderful things a small wedding can offer them.

IntimateWeddings.com takes it a giant step further – providing brides with a slew of planning articles, as well as a place to find the ideal venue for their small wedding. The Intimate Details Blog is chock full of fresh ideas for planning a small wedding, as well as couple profiles and a slew of creative ideas on how to cut costs without sacrificing quality.

I don’t have a single regret about taking the aisle less traveled. For me, it made all the difference.

I hope this website inspires you to do the same.

Christina Friedrichsen, IntimateWeddings.com