The ‘No Children Wedding’: Tips for Enforcing the No Kids Allow...

Posted on December 7, 2008 by Christina

Want to open a can of worms? Tell people you want a ‘no children wedding’. You’ll get a few supporters, but others will secretly scorn you. Namely, the ones on your guest list who can’t imagine leaving their little ones with a babysitter.

Having a kid-free wedding is one way to scale back the guest list for a small wedding but be prepared for criticism. Judging by the comments on some bridal forums, there are some pretty strong opinions about kids and weddings. Some can’t imagine why anyone wouldn’t allow kids. They argue that it’s anti-family not to invite children and that weddings are all about family. Others can’t comprehend why anyone would want little ones underfoot at such an ‘adult’ event.

We had kids at our wedding. Mind you, there were only three – but I wouldn’t have had it any other way. That said, I understand why some couples opt for a ‘no children wedding.’ Couples generally spend months orchestrating their weddings – not to mention saving for them. Along comes one tantruming toddler, and Kaboom! perfection is destroyed – especially if it happens during the vows.

Kids are unpredictable. They cry. They make messes. They bump into things and are known to stick their fingers into places that they shouldn’t (i.e. cake, nose, you get the picture.) But oftentimes, they’re also surprisingly well-behaved during special occasions and can add a lot to your Big Day.

If you are sure you want a ‘no children wedding’, how do you ensure that your adult guests won’t bring their offspring?

Whether your motives for going kid-free are a limited guest list, or a morbid fear that crying babies, tantruming toddlers and playful preschoolers will wreak havoc on your wedding, here are some ways to get the message across to your guests that kids aren’t invited:

• Before you send out the invites, call friends and family who have kids and let them know that a wedding invitation is on the way and that you have opted for a ‘no children wedding’. That way they will have time to line up babysitters.

• Wedding etiquette experts (I am not one of these. Trust me.) say that it’s tacky to write ‘no children’ on the invites. Instead, state on the RSVP card that it will be an ‘adult reception’. Another way of saying this is to write the following on the RSVP card: “We have reserved_ seats in your honor” and just include the number of adults.

• Be firm. If you cave at your sister’s request to bring her little ones, and your friend’s little ones were forced to stay with babysitters, there might be hurt feelings.

One way to please your guests with kids is to have a babysitter or two at the wedding venue. Set up fun activities like a craft centre to occupy the kids. One word of caution: some kids get severe separation anxiety and will not take to this idea very well. Keep this in mind when you are pursuing this option.

Photo: Ralph Heinze Photography

Filed Under: Small Wedding Ideas, Wedding Planning | 12 Comments

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Comments

Posted by Larry James on June 10th, 2011 at 7:12pm

I love children at weddings because they are unpredictable and often offer memorable moments. . . however I sometimes have couples who prefer a "No Kids" wedding. I recently wrote about this in an article, "No Rugrats (Children) Allowed!" at: http://celebrateintimateweddings.wordpress.com/2011/05/05/no-rugrats-children-allowed
Posted by Sara on August 5th, 2012 at 3:22pm

"We had kids at our wedding. Mind you, there were only three – but I wouldn’t have had it any other way." I wish you hadn't said that. I felt so happy to read this article, and then there was so much back-pedaling and hidden guilt in the article, that it made me feel very disappointed. I wish there was an article that didn't try to make people who do not want children at their wedding not feel guilty about it, and give actually good advice on how to do it, instead of pointing out what not to do. I just find it so ridiculous that people have no problem telling someone they can't bring a guest, but a mom or dad gets a guest and their kid(s)! Unbelievable!
Posted by Nadya on August 9th, 2012 at 6:27pm

I chose to have a flowergirl of four and one of my close friend's toddler, or any guest who wanted to bring their own kids to the wedding, but I drew the line when I was informed the day before my wedding that my sister wished to bring a 2 year old that she felt oligated to babysit (returning a favour) to my wedding that I didn't even know and whose parents would not be present. My reasons were that it is dificult enough for toddlers to get through the length of a wedding, and all the strange guests, but without their parents there, it was asking for trouble. I think my sister's request was unreasonable, even though I never wished to exclude anyone's children.
Posted by Sara on August 9th, 2012 at 8:08pm

It isn't "excluding" kids, gosh that sounds so harsh! As if it's a day at the fair or a waterpark! C'mon people!
Posted by lori mathers on November 28th, 2012 at 5:42pm

I'm in a weird predicament. I wanted to have only immediate family. But my sister, whom I adore, has two kids ages 1 year and 3 years. They are little rascals! It seems every family event ends up being focused on chasing them around. And then they start crying. I want to focus of the event to be about our wedding, not chasing around a 1 year old. If I want my sister there, I would have to allow her kids. I'm so torn.
Posted by Christina on November 29th, 2012 at 9:30am

I would hire a babysitter to entertain the kids... maybe someone that they know already? Have some fun activities planned for them - that way everyone is happy.
Posted by Bethany on December 30th, 2012 at 12:58am

Its easy to say no kids when you don't have any kids! But mind you it is very hard to find a babysitter. I had the babysitter cancel on me the day before the wedding!!! I really wanted to go to the wedding but I could not go because she said no kids! If my child is acting in appropriate I can kindly step out during the wedding, but my child might be fine! Why judge me and my children!!! We want this day to be a special day for you as well and we want to be apart of it!!!
Posted by Amy Arnott on January 10th, 2013 at 2:58pm

Here is my thing with kids. My niece is my flower girl and my 2 nephews are my ring bears, they are the only children allowed. I am doing this for a couple of reasons:
1. They are my favorite kids in the whole world! I'm allowed to have my favorite people there with me! If my fiance had any kids he wanted there they would be there as well.
2. Not all parents take responsibility for their kids. Their kids cry and they don't do anything about it. Or they get to the reception and they act as if they didn't bring their kids in hopes that someone else (another family member) will watch them.
3. I don't always like my friends kids. They can be bratty or just annoying. Plus, I don't always like how my favorite little ones act when these other kids are around.
4. I think every parent should get a night where they can dress up, get dinner and dancing, and just enjoy themselves without having to worry about their kids.

I would like to pay for a babysitter for my sister's kids, so that when it gets to late for them, the babysitter can take them home and put them to bed. Then my sister and BIL can enjoy the party without them as well. Or if not take the kids then at least watch them in a seperate room.
Posted by Maggi Bircz on March 12th, 2013 at 1:00pm

I love kids, I have 4, I have worked with kids from preschool to high school age. Do I want them at my daughters wedding, no. I have attended many different types of events where children were included, unable to hear graduations or wedding ceremonies over crying unsettled children where the parents showed no consideration by removing them. Children are unpredictable and since there is a great amount of time, effort and money being invested in the big day, it most certainly should be up to the bride and groom on this issue. Seriously friends, this should not be an issue.
Posted by Anna on June 6th, 2013 at 6:06pm

My fiance and I recently had this debate. We both love kids- we want them as soon as we are able to have them. A bunch of my friends have kids and for the most part, they are all well-behaved, adorable and entertaining and we'd love to have them there.

However, I have a friend who has two children who have serious behavioral issues and she doesn't manage these issues AT ALL. As a teacher, I'm used to working with kids like this, but my wedding day is not the time for me to be working and I don't feel obligated to continue my job at my wedding, and you know what? I don't feel guilty about that.

The only fair solution was to make it an adult only affair, with the exception of our flowergirl and our ringbearer. There are enough people at the wedding that if a friend calls me on it (even this specific friend) and can just let them know my reason for making the day an adult only affair.
Posted by Anna on June 6th, 2013 at 6:08pm

Just adding to my comment for clarity- of course I wouldn't name any names!
Posted by Morgan on June 12th, 2013 at 6:17pm

My fiance and I are having a no-kids wedding next spring, and we have no regrets! I've nannied before and adore children, but the kind of event we're having is very formal, has an open bar, and will go late into the night. Who would want to bring their children to that? I also know that some of my future step-family members have some absolute terrors that would most definitely put a damper on the day. I'd also like to provide an excuse for my parental friends to have a night out for themselves, because let's face it, even with a well-behaved child in tow, your focus is going to be on them - not on enjoying themselves or the couple getting married.