You fuss. You fret. You fall to your knees and ask: “Why does this have to be so difficult?”
What if cousin Mable blacklists you for not inviting her? What if co-worker Bob gives you the silent treatment for the next six months because you didn’t send him an invitation?
Before you get your knickers-in-a-knot worrying about your wedding guest list, realize that during these tough economic times, some of your friends and distant family might actually be relieved that they don’t have to come up with hundreds of dollars in travel expenses and wedding gifts.
Still worried? Check out this article about creating the wedding guest list and this post on kid-free weddings. Also, read the responses from brides in the real weddings section to get some other guest list trimming ideas.
To give you a reprieve from this oh-so-serious guest list-making business, I wrote this little letter to the uninvited.
Please note that I have nothing against wedding photo booths. In fact, there’s a good chance I would have had one at my wedding if they had been around then. So, if you are having a photo booth at your wedding, or you own a photo booth business, don’t be offended.
A Letter to the Uninvited
Dear acquaintances-that-I-really-don’t-give-a-rat’s-behind-about, co-workers-that-I-merely-tolerate and relatives-who-I-haven’t-seen-in-five-years-and-like-it-that-way:
We’re getting married. You’re not invited.
That means you don’t have to burn up a Saturday night wearing a tight suit that itches in dark, secret places. And ladies, you won’t have to suffer through a night of sweaty panty hose and Spanx . As if that wasn’t enough, you will not have to spend the evening trying to constrict gas caused by our Mexican food station. (Refried beans can really do a number on you I hear!)
You will not have to endure a lukewarm dinner at a table full of strangers who think you’re just as dull and dim-witted as you think they are. You will not have to feign laughter during speeches that drag on too long, or hide in the bathroom stall for copious amounts of time, texting your friends with updates on how drunk you are.
There’s more! You will not have to wrap yourself in hot pink feather boas and enter photo booths with sloshed guests or be forced to spend half the night trying to come up with something clever to say in our DIY guest book.
And best of all – no gift to buy!
How can you possibly return the favor?
Make sure we’re not invited to your wedding either.