Continued from Part 1 of The Ups and Downs of an At-Home Wedding.

There are things to keep in mind if you are planning an at-home wedding. Very important things.

1. Toilets. It’s probably the least romantic thing about your wedding, but it’s probably one of the most important. No matter where you decide to have your wedding, you’re going to need at least one. If you are having your wedding at home, you might decide that guests can use the washrooms in your home. But after giving it some serious thought, you might change your mind.  If you are having an outdoor wedding, do you really want your guests traipsing in and out of your home? Can your plumbing system take the wear and tear? Is it possible that your septic system will be overstressed, causing a plumbing nightmare on the biggest day of your life? (Ever see Meet the Parents?) After doing some research, we discovered that port-a-johns definitely aren’t what they used to be. There are new user-friendly models in a variety of colors. Not only are they more pleasing to the eye, they have sinks and flush toilets. Even though they are more expensive, they were definitely worth the splurge.
2. Neighbors. Warn them in advance and give them a heads up closer to the big day. They might even offer up their driveways for parking – or a portable stage! Be extra kind to them as you get close to your wedding day so that they will put up with potentially high noise levels from your happy wedding guests.
3. Invite your caterer over before the big day so s/he can scope out your kitchen. S/he’ll need to know how much space there is to work in – as well as fridge and stove details.
4. If you are doing the outdoor thing, it’s a good idea to rent a tent. That is, unless you have a huge tolerance for risk. (Which I do not.)
5. Hire a cleaning person to clean your home thoroughly prior to your wedding – not to mention after your big day. Unless of course you have a lovely friend or relative who has kindly offered to take on this task.
6. Have bug spray handy. Citronella candles might provide ambiance, but they are useless when it comes to fending off hungry ‘mossies’.
7. If your guests like to over-imbibe, be prepared: some might want to crash at your house. We had a pretty tame crowd at our wedding, but like any good party there’s a chance this will happen at your wedding. If you’re not equipped for sleepovers, be smart and call a cab.
8. Enjoy the journey. Easy for me to say -  I got married eight years ago. But, really, try not to sweat the small stuff like boatlifts.
9. Give yourself a pat on the back for pulling it off. Planning a wedding at home is no small feat, but it’s one of the most rewarding things you will accomplish.  Raise a glass to yourself – (and to your neighbor) for a job well done!

Photo: Susan Adler Photography; Bonnie and Kevin’s Delightful Garden Wedding

I have a special place in my heart for at-home weddings (I had one), so when I discovered Michael and Emma on Cup of Jo I couldn’t wait to contact them about their NY wedding. Stay tuned tomorrow for their one-of-a-kind DIY wedding invitations.

Michael, 30 & Emma, 28

Upper West Side, New York City

Wedding Date: September 25th, 2008

Number of Guests: 30

Wedding Ceremony Location:

Emma’s parents’ dining room, which has since been renamed “The Wedding Room” on the Upper West Side in Manhattan. 

Wedding Reception Location:

We decided to rent out our favorite restaurant, Mary’s Fish Camp, for the dinner after the wedding.  The space was so small that everyone was sitting down, so it wasn’t really a reception in the traditional sense.  It was more like a dinner with lots of mingling. 

Continue reading Real Weddings: Michael & Emma’s NY At-home Wedding

More and more couples are choosing to have a backyard wedding. Although outdoor weddings can be wonderful, they can also be disastrous affairs without the proper planning.

For most backyard weddings, tents are a must. No matter what The Weather Channel is saying a week before the wedding day, a tent, or some form of shelter, should be a top priority for couples. Some experts suggest renting an alternate venue, just in case.

One of the most obvious reasons for a tent is that it offers protection in case of rain. Although a tent will offer shelter from rain, wind is another story, says Cheryl Gilbert, who owns a tent rental company in Windsor, Ontario, Canada.

“The biggest problem with any backyard wedding is high winds,” she says. “It is only a tent, it isn’t a permanent structure… When you get 60 km an hour winds, the wind gets under that tent and it could lift it up.”

Because of the weather factor, planning for a backyard wedding can be stressful for some couples.

“Some people are all depressed if it rains. If you are going to be disappointed, plan it inside,” she says.

When it comes to renting reception tents, there are three basic tent styles to choose from: push-pole, frame tents and tension tents.

Push-pole tents, which are the most popular of the three, have ceilings that slope from a row of center poles, to a series of poles on the perimeter of the tent. They are anchored in the ground by staking, and generally need seven feet of clearance around the perimeter of the tent.

Because there are interior poles, there is less room inside the tent than the other styles. Most people decorate the poles of push-pole reception tents with drapery to make them more appealing to the eye. Like the other styles of tents, push-pole tents have removable sidewalls, which are either plain white, clear vinyl or cathedral-window style.
Frame tents are generally more expensive than push pole tents. They are ideal for tight spots because they don’t need clearance around the tent’s perimeter. They are also ideal for narrow spots.

Tension tents, which are the most stable and wind-resistant of the three styles, are the least common types of reception tents. The center poles in a tension tent are very high, making the tent have very steep slopes. Because they have fewer interior poles than push-pole tents, there is more room inside the tent.

No matter what style of tent a couple chooses, a tent should be big enough so that guests can move around without bumping into each other.

“I always suggest to my customers to go with a bigger tent. That way they can have more room to move around, and pathways between the tables,” says Gilbert.

She also says couples should make sure everyone will fit beneath the tent – including the entertainment and the caterer.

Most companies that rent reception tents will do an onsite survey of the area to help determine the style and size of the tent appropriate for the event. The survey will also determine the best location for the tent.

“Sometimes the most beautiful spot is not always the best spot. It might not be level, there might be a septic nearby, or overhead wires,” says Suzor.

If you are having a backyard wedding reception, make sure you consult with a company that rents reception tents early on in your planning in order to determine the best place for your event.

Photo: Anne Ruthmann Photography

I didn’t want an up-do for my wedding. I’ve never worn an up-do in my life. It didn’t suit me – but no bride wears her hair down on her wedding day – or so it seemed.

I flipped through luxurious bridal magazines thicker than telephone directories looking for pictures of brides with their hair free of bobby pins. I came up empty.

“You want your hair to look special on your wedding day, don’t you?” said the hairstylist during a trial-run appointment. I caved. “Sure. Give me an up-do.” An hour and a half later the woman staring back in the mirror was no longer me. She wasn’t the kind of girl who wore plaid flannel pajamas. She didn’t have hangnails or enjoy frothy Guinness and warm slabs of steak. That girl wore satin. She ordered salad for lunch. She chewed slowly. She got manicures.

I dismantled the up-do as soon as I got into my car. That evening was one of clarity: I was going to be myself no matter how much pressure I felt. Thankfully, that pressure didn’t come from family or friends. All along, they encouraged me to be true to myself. They knew that I was the type of gal that marched to her own beat. Why would I suddenly change all that on my wedding day?

I had been to enough weddings to know what I didn’t want at our wedding, which included: A)A mile-long receiving line B) Drunk people doing ‘The Macarena’ c) $400 cake smashed into my face D)People singing silly rhyming songs to get us to kiss.

I bought a book to help me plan our wedding, but the more I read, the more I realized just how much my version of the ideal wedding differed from the norm. I didn’t want five bridesmaids; one maid of honor suited me just fine. I didn’t want a garter toss. I didn’t want a DJ playing the Electric Slide. Sure, I wanted music, but my music would be live. And most of all, I didn’t want a big, fat guest list. I didn’t want to celebrate my wedding day with a group of strangers. Instead, I wanted everyone there to have touched our lives in a special way.

I shake my head when I think of all the things I fretted over while we were planning our wedding. Can we really have a wedding with no bridesmaids or groomsmen? Will people think it’s weird that we don’t have a receiving line? Will our guests still have fun if there is no dancing?

My worries were unfounded. Our little wedding turned out to be one of the best days of my life.

Several months after our wedding, I wrote Intimate Weddings: Planning a Small Wedding that Fits Your Budget and Style. Why? Aside from wanting to help brides with all the nitty gritty of planning a small wedding, I wanted other brides to feel confident in their decision to have an intimate wedding – even if their ideas bucked convention. I wanted couples to feel a sense of validation, and, of course, I wanted them to hear about all the wonderful things a small wedding can offer them.

IntimateWeddings.com takes it a giant step further – providing brides with a slew of planning articles, as well as a place to find the ideal venue for their small wedding. The Intimate Details Blog is chock full of fresh ideas for planning a small wedding, as well as couple profiles and a slew of creative ideas on how to cut costs without sacrificing quality.

I don’t have a single regret about taking the aisle less traveled. For me, it made all the difference.

I hope this website inspires you to do the same.

Christina Friedrichsen, IntimateWeddings.com