By Darin (The Huzz)

Do you see an intimate wedding in your future? Maybe in 2011 or 2012?

Here’s my list of wedding planning essentials for the upcoming nuptials.

1. Bride and groom committed to spending the rest of their lives together. Simple enough right? About 50% get it wrong. Here’s hoping you’re in the “get it right” population.

2. Bride and groom who have sorted out whether or not they want children. Tied to #1, but trust me, part of that 50% failure rate on marriage includes not having this sorted out beforehand.

3. Marriage license.

4. Officiant who can perform marriage.

5. Witness(es).

6. Wedding venue. (From court house to backyard to swanky loft. With a small, intimate affair your options are endless.)

7. Loved ones and close friends whom the bride and groom would like to be a part of their marriage ceremony and post-ceremony celebration, if applicable.

8. A bag of real money. No plastic. No line of credit. No “mom and dad’s home equity that’s losing equity by the day” line of credit. Real M-O-N-E-Y. How much goes in the bag depends on the list you create in step 9. Do NOT base it on the “Average Cost of a Wedding” number that you see in mainstream media.

9. A list. Or two. Or three. On this list should be the “stuff” that YOU want to include as part of YOUR wedding. This item can be extremely simple or really complicated. To create this list you might include you and your future spouse only, but not necessarily. If your parents or future in laws are helping to foot the bill you’ll probably end up including them in the decision making process as well.

10. Stones. Big ones. Not only for the groom, but the bride as well. You’ll need the stones to keep your wedding true to what your vision is. The internet has given you so many options and “experts” to guide you through this manufactured wedding maze. It’s easy to end up on a much different path than where you started. That isn’t always a bad thing. Just remember to take a good, hard look at where you are going. Does it feel right? If not, re-group.

We got married in 2001.  I’m here to tell you from the other side of the fence, with 10 years of happy marriage and a family that’s grown from the two of us, to now four, that the best thing you can do is stay true to yourselves and make your crazy list of wedding essentials your OWN list and not the list that the industry wants you to fret over as you pump bags of money into its hungry industrial complex belly.

Which brings me to the last thing on the list:

11. Stay inspired. These real weddings will help you do just that.

Photo: Julie and Jon’s Art Nouveau Wedding by Tinywater Photography

Wouldn’t it be nice to be able to stash some money away for the future? You can! Forget the panini maker, espresso machine and fancy dishes. Think stocks.

Simply open an account at WeddingFutures.com and select your stocks. Your guests can choose from your list of stocks and pay via Paypal or credit card.

“Gifts from WeddingFutures.com are securely purchased and transferred online, and can actually increase in value over time, so today’s gift will always fit every couples’ needs now and into the future,” says Keaton Nguyen, founder of WeddingFutures.com.

WeddingFutures.com provides the registry and collects the funds. (They charge 5% commission.) The funds are transferred to your brokerage  account to be purchased by your brokerage firm. You can use any bank or brokerage firm. When your wedding day finally arrives, the gifts are transferred to your account.

“Couples can register for gifts that feather their financial nest and set the foundation for a solid financial future, “ says Nguyen. “Gift givers can be confident that their WeddingFutures.com gift – unlike a pricey coffee-maker, which will break or become obsolete — will always be needed, wanted and put to good use.”

Check out WeddingFutures.com for more info.

These mismatched vintage floral bridesmaid dresses would definitely be in the plan if I was planning a wedding! They’re so cheerful and pretty. Here are a few of my favorites:

Photo One: Glamour by Etsy Seller Sohomode ; Photo Two: Etsy Seller Sohomode; Photo Three: The Natural Wedding Company; Photo Four and Five: Perfect Bound by Etsy Seller Sohomode; Photo Six: Wedding Bee Pro; Photo Seven and Eight: Intimate Weddings; Photo Nine: Ruffled

Katherine, 25 & Josh, 33

Annapolis County, Nova Scotia

Wedding Date: October 1^st, 2010

Number of Guests: 24

Wedding Cost: $6,000 (approx.)

Wedding Ceremony Location: Mills Falls, Kejimkujik National Park

Wedding Reception Location: M&W’s Restaurant

Why did you have an intimate wedding?

We needed to have a small wedding because of budget, but we both dislike large crowds of people so it was more desirable for us to have fewer people who were close to us. We wanted to have a fun, comfortable day, and we got it with the people we invited.

What are some the challenges that you faced planning an intimate wedding?

It wasn’t so much challenges with planning an intimate wedding, but planning one long-distance. I did have to think about my family and the place I wanted it, especially with the possibility of bad weather, and having to stand during the entire ceremony and pictures afterward.

Was it difficult to pare down the guest list?

This may sound cold but, not really. I thought about things very practically and invited only our immediate family and friends. I could have made things larger, but we wanted to keep things as small as we could, so we cut pretty deep.

Did you have any ‘issues’ with the small guest list from friends and family? If so, how did you address them?

Everyone was very kind and understanding about the small guest list, especially my family. I have no idea what my friends thought about it, because I didn’t talk about my wedding with them. I only discussed my wedding with those who were invited/attending. Those who did ask were politely put off by the “we’re trying to keep it small and not much more than family” line (which was true).

What were the highlights of the ceremony?

My father walked me down a trail at the base of the waterfall to the still water where Josh and the minister were waiting. It was a very sweet ceremony with loads of personality from the minister (who is a friend of mine) and even though I cried at one point (I always cry) we all had a wonderful time.

What were the highlights of the reception?

The food. I wanted it to be like one of our family get-togethers with home-cooked food and it was. My grandfather’s cousin produced a delicious turkey dinner. The absolute best part was, however, the cakes. That’s right, more than one wedding cake. Three, in fact. Three, gorgeous, delicious cheesecakes made by my best friend as a wedding gift for us, which was more than perfect.

What was the best thing about having an intimate wedding?

The best thing was that we made it our day. We had it where and when we wanted, with the people we wanted. It was relaxed (as far as weddings go, and I’m only talking the day of here) and truly intimate, with no awkward unwanted guests being disruptive.

What advice do you have for couples who are considering an intimate wedding?

DO IT. If it is what you want, do it. Those close to you should understand your motivation for it, and those who don’t, probably don’t care enough about you and your needs/wants to be invited. Easy guest list!

Keep as much of the planning to yourself as you can. This will save a lot of grief. If you need some help brainstorming, have a relaxing night with some close friends and toss ideas around, then take those and pick out what you want. I chose not to do this and looked around at websites that featured the style of wedding I wanted. I only asked for help when there was something I could delegate. Josh designed our invitations pretty much independently, and the reception was mostly taken care of by my mother. I let her know what I wanted which was pretty basic, and she took care of the rest.

Pick one or two things that will make or break your day. For me, the two things I was not willing to compromise on were our location and our photographer. I debated for a while about location, and only the one we ended up at was at all desirable to me. The one thing we ended up really “investing” money in for the wedding was the photographer. For Josh and I, who are very particular about art and such, this was crucial for our day. We do not regret it after how well the photographer worked with us and our guests, and the end result.

Vendors:

Invitations: moo.com

Photographer: Jeff Cooke Photography (Halifax, NS)

Flowers: Pulsifer’s Flowers (Kentville, NS)

Location: Kejimkujik National Park

Reception: M&W’s (just outside Keji)

Cake: Colin Robar

Favours: Sissiboo Coffee Roaster

Rings: Etsy seller titaniumknights

Suit: Etsy seller finehandmadeclothing

Dress: Samuel & Co. (Halifax, NS)

Veil & necklace: Etsy Seller TotusMel

Shoes: The Jelly Cupboard (New Minas, NS)

By Darin (The Huzz)

Recently Engaged? Suffering from sticker shock after typing “Average Cost of a Wedding” into Google?

I’m here to tell you to take that $28, 385 grandiose figure with a grain of salt. If you were to ask any statistician what the meaning of that ‘average’ is, they would pepper you with a lot more questions to get to the heart of it, because that average wedding cost doesn’t even begin to tell the whole story.

Bottom Line:

If you’re considering a small wedding, here’s how the average small wedding cost has broken down for weddings featured here at IW over the last few years.

Average Cost of Small Weddings featured on IW for 2008 – 2010: $11,800   (Minimum cost = $800, Maximum cost = $50,000)

Average number of guests = 41   (Minimum number of guests = 3, Maximum number of guests = 75)

Christina fears that if I get into the statistics I might cause your eyes to glaze over and your head hit the keyboard or iPad touchscreen, but if you think you can stay awake, read on and I’ll give you a few juicy nuggets that might help with that nasty elephant in the room – the dreaded wedding budget.

The figures I’m going to share with you never get published along with that glorious $20,000- $30,000 thousand dollar average that gets pumped in the media ad nauseum, so you never get the true picture of just how varied the cost of weddings are. But judging from my little study of the 54 weddings featured here, it tells me the “average” cost figure is far from revealing. All that average number does is program brides and their shell shocked husbands-to-be that everyone else is spending $28,000 on their weddings, making them feel pressured to do the same.

Guess what? You don’t have to be average!

Even though our average wedding cost here at IW, from our little statistical study, was a whopping $11,800, the lowest cost wedding was only $800 and the highest cost wedding was $50,000.  Take out the two lowest and two highest extremes and the “Average” cost of a small wedding now becomes $10,900.  The average number of guests for the small weddings featured here is 41 as noted above but look at the minimum and maximum too. Again, big swings in the numbers. The real kicker is the scary statistical term that caused Christina to tune out the second I uttered it.

For those of you still following my little rant, it’s something called “standard deviation”.  It’s basically an indication of how much spread there is around the average number.  Without going into the boring details, our standard deviation was high, indicating that the wedding costs that went into that average number were all over the map. What does that boring mathematical revelation mean for you? It means that the bride down the street might very well be reading the same headline as you and getting mesmerized by the $28,000 dollar average, but her talking dog whispered in her ear and said: “Are you nuts? You could spend $5,000 on a spectacular wedding full of meaning and wonderment and have $23,000 left over for a nice start on a house!”  And when she answers the survey, her $5,000 number gets baked right in along with your $28,000 spot on target number and a boatload of other wedding costs that are all over the map that make up that glorious average.  Maybe a great place to start for some, but I beg to differ.

For you, my dear readers understanding that what people really spend on their weddings is all over the map, you now have the key to unlock the $28,000 dollar chains that bind you to a fictitious number and let you plan a wedding that you can afford, not one that the wedding industry wants you to finance on your credit card and home equity loans!

What’s my hope for you if you’re still awake and haven’t planted your forehead on the iPad screen? Don’t start with a number, especially an average being blasted at you by the mainstream media. Start with what you and your spouse envision for your wedding and work out the costs to get there affordably, without going into debt , on a budget that is comfortable for both of you.

Good luck and may you always remember that first and foremost you’re making a lifelong commitment to your partner and that the celebration of that bond doesn’t have to start with the word “average”.

Photo: Laura and Jeff’s $6,000 wedding