I am so glad that the rules have changed about wedding attendants over the years. You can have five bridesmaids. You can have one. You can have no bridesmaids. You can have male friends stand up for you. Your dog. Your cat. Your guinea pig. And it’s all okay – no matter what the size of your wedding.

Because I didn’t have wedding attendants, I cannot relate to the drama that oftentimes surrounds bridesmaids. (To get a better understanding of this topic,  read Siri Agrell’s Bad Bridesmaid: Bachelorette Brawls and Taffeta Tantrums–Tales from the Front Lines, which gives an inside glimpse into the mind of a bridesmaid.) How does she feel about all of those obligatory bridesmaid outings? What does she really think when she hears you obsess over napkins, pew bows and cake toppers? How does she feel when she walks down the aisle in a dress that’s too tight, too sweaty and really not her colour?

We’ve learned a few things over the years about how you should treat your ladies, and we’ve compiled a list of things that we think you should NEVER require of your bridesmaids:

1. Force her to wear a dress that doesn’t suit her body type.

Although you may have magazine-worthy dresses in mind for your girls, in reality, every girl is different. How would you feel if someone forced you to squeeze into a dress that didn’t suit you? No, no and no to asking your bridesmaids to “think about losing some weight” before your big day. Keep everyone’s considerations in mind when shopping for dresses.

2. Ask her to change her appearance.

The same goes for asking your bridesmaids to change or alter their appearance. Your wedding is not a beauty pageant. Tread lightly if you’re thinking of asking a bridesmaid to hide her tattoo, cut her hair or get tanned, or don’t ask at all.

3. Tell her that she has to pay for everything you choose.

You may have a set budget for wedding expenses and that probably means your bridesmaids do too. Asking them to spend a lot of money on dresses, shoes and travel is asking a lot, especially if someone is strapped for cash. If a bridesmaid says she can’t pay for everything, don’t single her out either. Help her with the costs if you can without making it a big deal.

4. Tell her that she can’t invite a significant other.

As a bride, you’re probably looking for every way possible to cut the guest list. One way is to tell people they can’t bring a significant other or can only bring someone if they are married to them. This rule does not apply to your bridesmaids. Let them bring whomever they want, so they have someone at the wedding too.

5. Take up every single weekend.

Just because you want to spend every second of the day wedding planning doesn’t mean your bridesmaids do. Don’t tell them to clear their calendars for every single weekend until the wedding. Sit down with everyone and plan out which times work for wedding planning. Nothing should be mandatory; your bridesmaids have lives too.

6. Expect her to plan every wedding party.

Traditionally, the Maid of Honor and bridesmaids help with planning wedding showers and bachelorette parties. Instead of demanding they throw huge parties in your honor, be grateful for the help and enjoy what they have done for you. Try not to stress them out completely with confusing guest lists and extravagant demands.

7. Not be appreciative of her time and energy.

Your bridesmaids are your life line when it comes to wedding planning. They will help you out and be there for you when you are stressed out, so remember to be grateful for all of the work they have put in. No one should lose a friendship over a wedding.

8. Talk about your wedding all of the time.

Your girls are there for you during wedding planning, but there is a point when all of that wedding talk gets too much. Take a weekend off from wedding planning to have some fun or call one of your bridesmaids on the phone and talk about something other than weddings.

9. Talk behind her back.

This isn’t a reality TV show and no one is “going home” if they don’t make the cut, so don’t treat it as a competition. If someone isn’t pulling their weight, talk to them personally about the issue instead of complaining to other people.

10. Be overly demanding on your wedding day.

When the wedding day finally arrives, let them have fun too. There may be some bridesmaid duties on the actual day, but after that, they should be able to let loose and enjoy everything they have helped to plan.

Photo one: Charles and Kathleen’s South Carolina wedding; Photo two: Ben and Mallory’s Texas wedding; Photo three: Kristin and Mark’s Nashville wedding

Even if you have to help your man out when it comes to gift giving, picking out groomsmen gifts is an essential wedding task. A gift shows the groomsmen that you both appreciate their dedication. Although they seem like “guy” things, groomsmen gifts can also be personable, fun and classy. Although there are the traditional flasks, ties and Swiss army knife gifts, we think these picks from Etsy go above and beyond.

A heavy duty leather bag with their initials is a gift you know they will use. It can hold shaving accessories, toiletries and toothbrushes for traveling and at home. This leather kit bag by LifetimeLeatherCo is a classic choice.

This gift is something for the guys to drink their favorite brews out of and includes an engraving. These engraved beer glasses by UrbanFarmhouseTampa would be great for parties.

A compass is a meaningful gift choice that shows the “journey” you have taken together, like this engraved compass by paperonly.

You might not think of a journal as a typical guy’s gift. Think of how much use they could get out of it at work and for jotting down ideas. We love these handmade leather journals by themanregistry.

This wooden watch by donebetter is lightweight, comfortable and something you could get for a few people if you’re on a budget as opposed to a traditional watch. It is definitely not something everyone else has.

Make your own gifts by customizing bottles of your favorite drinks with these bottle labels by DeeLuciaDesignPrint.

This is another practical, yet personal gift choice that will please any handyman. It’s an engraved hammer by NeedmoreHeart with their name or your wedding date on it with a solid wood handle.

For sports fans, an engraved baseball like this one by TheSmilinBride is a fun choice they can use or display in a case. Engraved footballs, golf balls or baseball bats would also work.

Tie clips have become more of a fashion statement lately as opposed to a practical accessory. This personalized tie bar by PetiteTrinklets is made of sterling silver with initials engraved.

This tie hook hanger by TealsPrairie is great for traveling or hanging in a closet to store ties and belts for the more fashion forward guys you know.

Just don’t call this a man purse. This messenger bag by mediumcontrol with initials can hold laptops, books and other necessities in style.

A small token of your appreciation, this bottle opener keychains by poptag can be purchased in bulk orders for a large wedding party.

*This post includes Etsy Affiliate links.

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Amy’s lifelong dream of getting married on the beach finally came true last September when she and her fiancé Collin exchanged vows by the ocean in an intimate beachfront ceremony in her hometown of Destin, Florida. Along with their family and friends, the couple partied the night away at the Sundestin Beach Resort to celebrate what they both agree was a perfect day!

A huge thank you to N. Barrett Photography for sending along the photos so we could share them with you today!

Amy, 33 & Collin, 32

Destin, FL

Wedding Date: September 13, 2014

Number of Guests: 75

Wedding Cost: $15,000

Wedding Ceremony Location: Beach at Sundestin Beach Resort

Wedding Reception Location: Conference room at Sundestin Beach Resort

Why did you have an intimate wedding? 

Ever since I was a little girl I dreamed of getting married on the beach. I love more intimate, smaller beach ceremonies. Ours was on the larger scale for an intimate wedding, but it was perfect. Being surrounded by the people we love was one of the best parts of the day.

What are some the challenges that you faced planning an intimate wedding? 

The guest list.

Was it difficult to pare down the guest list? 

YES!! This was one of the hardest parts of planning for me. I have so many special friends from many different seasons of my life and I wanted to invite everyone. Unfortunately, that was not possible. I skipped sending out save-the-dates to save on cost and also because I knew the guest list was going to be very tricky! I did 3 rounds of invites. I had everything very precisely timed and even checked in with friends and family who were late RSVPers. Having an accurate guest count at my cut-off date from round one played into how many people I could invite in round 2 and the same for round 3. Collin thought I was a little kookie for how intense my plan was, but gosh darn it, I was going to invite every person I possibly could! I knew having a destination wedding in Destin would automatically make attendance impossible for some friends since we live in Atlanta, but saying ‘I do’ on the beach in my hometown has been a dream since I was a little girl.

Did you have any ‘issues’ with the small guest list from friends and family? If so, how did you address them? 

Our families were great at understanding that we could not invite everyone. Unfortunately, we could not invite a lot of distant relatives, but it all worked out. Having a smaller budget and guest list made planning interesting, but we prioritized what was most important for Collin and me, and we both agree it was a perfect day.

What were the highlights of the ceremony? 

That it didn’t rain! Ha. We had to wait out some ghastly storm clouds that showed up right before the wedding. My favorite part of every wedding is seeing the groom’s face when he first spots his beloved. I told Natalie she was required to capture that face and she did. Seeing all the joy and love in his eyes was my perfect moment. We also invited our friends and family to come and pray over us before we said ‘I do”. That moment was so important to both of us. We asked our friends and family to cover us in prayer as we entered into a covenant relationship, and to pray for God to cover our marriage with His truth and love. 

What were the highlights of the reception? 

The reception was the most “important” or planned part of the night for us. We wanted to truly celebrate our marriage and that meant we were going to party! That was the one night every single person that is the most important in our lives would be in the same room together and we wanted to enjoy every moment with them! Our DJ was so fun that he even got some of my older family members, who do not dance, on the dance floor. Seeing my Mom twist the night away was amazing! Also, Collin had a dance off with my 10 year old niece and that was the funniest moment of the night. He has some pretty sweet dance moves, but obviously my niece won. 

What was the best thing about having an intimate wedding? 

Our wedding was the perfect size. We were able to hug everyone and have actual conversations. We didn’t feel overwhelmed greeting all our guests.

What advice do you have for couples who are considering an intimate wedding? 

Figure out what is most important to you and you fiancé. Is it the location, having a planner, your dress, alcohol at the reception, etc? Even though your wedding will be more intimate, it can still be very pricey! Prioritize and ask yourself what can you do yourself to help save money and what should you leave to the professionals. Renée, my wedding planner, was the best thing that could have happened to us in the beginning stages of planning. I never thought I could have afforded a wedding planner, but she worked with me so that I could. She helped bring my vision to life and made it all so easy to plan a destination wedding while being 6 hours away. I found her through Pinterest of all places. So don’t feel guilty for having that wedding board before you have a ring on your finger! Pin away ladies.

Vendors: 

Photography: N.Barrett Photography

Ceremony and Reception Venue: Sundestin Beach Resort

Planner/Ceremony Design Company: Renée Armour

Bride’s Bouquet: Florals By the Sea

Bridesmaid Bouquet, Boutonnieres, Flower Girl Flowers: Sister made bouquets

Make-up and Hair: SoHo Salon

Caterer: Portabello Market

Cupcakes: Karaboo Bakery

DJ: DJ Smiley Jay Espanola

Pedicab: Gulf Coast Pedicab

Rachel and Chase had an intimate park wedding in Alabama all planned and ready to go when they moved into their new house and started dreaming of a backyard wedding. The thought of getting married on their own property proved to be too irresistible for the lovebirds to pass up, and 16 days before their scheduled wedding date, the couple set about changing all their plans. With the help of their family, they transformed their land into the ceremony and reception site of their dreams. They exchanged their vows beneath the chestnut tree in the most intimate of ceremonies and celebrated their nuptials with those closest to them, proving that home is truly where the heart is.

Special thanks to Stephanie Kaloi for sharing Rachel and Chase’s wonderfully intimate wedding day with us!

Rachel, 26 & Chase, 30

Oneonta, AL

Wedding Date: June 2, 2015

Number of Guests: 6 for the ceremony (our parents and Chase’s grandparents) and 16 including those 6 for the reception (all of our brothers, sisters, and their children)

Wedding Cost: $1,650

Wedding Ceremony Location: Under a chestnut tree in our backyard. When we bought our house, the previous owners (one of whom happened to be my 5th grade teacher!) left an old pew in the barn. My mom repainted it, and my dad built another pew to match. My mom painted the new one the same as the old one and we used them for the seating during the ceremony

Wedding Reception Location: Under the pecan trees in our backyard

Why did you have an intimate wedding?

When we got engaged, we started a list of everyone we would invite if we were to have a “traditional” wedding. The list got long, fast! We decided then that we wanted to have an intimate wedding where we could remember each and every face that got to share our special day with us. We had originally decided to have a small ceremony at a park in Daphne, Alabama where only parents and grandparents were going to be invited for the ceremony and reception. We had everything set for the day, were about to book hotel rooms, and were making lists of things we needed to pack for the trip. Right before the wedding, however, we bought our house and our beautiful land. Not long after we moved in, we were sitting on the patio in our backyard and envisioned ourselves getting married at our first home. This was only 16 days before our wedding date! I emailed our photographer and asked if she was okay with moving the location. She was so excited for us and loved the idea! I emailed our officiant, who happened to be my cousin, and he was fine with it as well. We changed all the plans and started getting our backyard ready for the ceremony and reception. Our parents were AMAZING during this, and went above and beyond to help us. For the ceremony, we only wanted the most important people to us – our parents and grandparents – to witness one of the most important steps in our lives. We wanted to celebrate with the rest of our family as well, so we invited all of our brothers, sisters, nieces, and nephews to the reception after the ceremony. We are blessed with such a beautiful and loving family and are so happy with how our wedding turned out!

What are some the challenges that you faced planning an intimate wedding?

The main challenge was deciding where we wanted to have our wedding and who we wanted to invite. 

Was it difficult to pare down the guest list?

It was! We started out saying we wanted immediate family and close friends, but felt like the list would still be too large. So we decided then that we only wanted family to be present. 

Did you have any ‘issues’ with the small guest list from friends and family? If so, how did you address them?

Yes and no. People had their own opinions and didn’t understand the decisions we made about the guest list for the ceremony and reception, but we just let them have those opinions and understood that it wasn’t about them; it was about US and OUR day.

What were the highlights of the ceremony? 

There were so many highlights!

Rachel’s highlights: Seeing Chase for the first time. Right after my Dad gave me away, I was so focused on Chase that I didn’t even notice that everyone was still standing because our officiant forgot to tell them they could sit. I turned around when he told them they could be seated and saw teary eyes from everyone in our family; all the love that I felt right then and there was incredible. Our vows! The kiss! The huge hugging fest right after our officiant announced we were husband and wife; all highlights for me.

Chase’s highlights: Of course the most important highlight for me was seeing Rachel for the first time. I was astonished! She was and still is the most beautiful thing ever created. The transformation of our land into a wedding ceremony site was also incredible. Right before the ceremony, I could not tie my bow tie correctly and was getting pretty stressed, then my mother got there and fixed it. I had watched 4 different YouTube videos on it to no avail. I remember the kiss vividly, everybody teary eyed, and us hugging for 30 minutes afterwards was awesome. 

What were the highlights of the reception?

When the rest of our family arrived and we could celebrate with the most important people to us. And the wonderful weather!

What was the best thing about having an intimate wedding?

Being able to focus on each and every one of our guests, and both of our families coming together and celebrating our love with us.

What advice do you have for couples who are considering an intimate wedding?

It’s you and your partner’s wedding day, and you should plan it however you want to. It’s your decision and you shouldn’t let other people’s opinions affect how YOU want to celebrate YOUR LOVE. 

Vendors:  

Photography: Stephanie Kaloi Photography

Catering: Groom smoked Boston butts and ribs the morning of the wedding. Parents cooked the sides.

Bride’s Dress: EBay purchase- J. Crew Allegra gown. Mother of the bride made the lace vest with fabric from Hancock Fabrics.

Groom’s Pants: Peter Millar

Groom’s Shirt: Geoffrey Beene

Groom’s Shoes: Steve Madden

Whether you’ve been sporting short locks since you were in knee high socks, or have just recently chopped off your tresses to beat the heat, you know that short hair can be just as fun and sexy as those long layers. Styling your shorter do, however, can prove to be somewhat limiting, especially for special occasions. While you might assume an updo is out of the question for your wedding day, we’re here to show you that it doesn’t have to be! After all, why should those long haired ladies get to have all the fun?

1. The Bouffant

The half updo is by far one of the easiest styling option for shorter locks, and this easy bouffant style will effortlessly add height and drama to your wedding day look.

2. The French Twist

The french twist is a classic and popular wedding day updo, and now, with the help of a lot of bobby pins and this tutorial, all you shorty-locks can get in on the action too .

3. The Dutch Braid

A Dutch braid sounds too good to be true, doesn’t it? We thought so too, but The Beauty Department shows us that it can indeed be done with this handy how-to guide.

4. The Faux Hawk

For an edgier look on your wedding day, we think you short haired ladies rock the faux hawk better than anyone else.

5. The Headband Braid

For those with shoulder length locks, this headband braid is a soft, romantic option from Refinery 29 that you can do yourself if you felt so inclined.

6. The Olive Oyle

A deep side part, a low twisted bun, and some pretty bobby pins make this sweet updo a must-try in our books!

7. The Rolled Updo

Half roll, half braid, we think this updo would be perfect for a casual summer garden wedding and the step-by-step guide will show you how to easily get the look yourself.

8. The Pompadour

If your hair is on the the really short side, your updo options may be slim, but that doesn’t mean you can’t have a little fun with your tresses by adding a little pompadour action into the mix.

9. The Messy Braid Updo

Get ready to jump on the messy braid bandwagon with this sexy textured updo.

10. The Side Roll

This vintage inspired side roll is elegant and a little edgy at the same time, and we’re completely smitten with it.

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